So I don't know how long this has been going on, but it was just brought to my realization today. My life, at least from what I thought has been crazy. Trying to find a car, trying to find a better job, trying to do this and do that. I think it was being bred in me the moment I graduated college. This feeling that I have to get a job making good money. That if I don't have a surplus income after paying all of the bills I'm not making enough. Now add on that tons of student loans, listening to Dave Ramsey and having the strong desire to get the loans paid of asap.
Now, none of those things are wrong(minus the student loans...blah). Dave Ramsey is a excellent financial adviser. And I give him thanks for letting God use him in the way he does. Paying of my only debt is also an excellent thing. Finding a better job so I can see my wife more than a few hours a week is a great thing. Finding the best possible deal on a car is another good thing.
But, I have been going about it all wrong. I have begun traveling this road and have forgotten the most important thing. A map! Directions! I thought that if my resume was good enough, if I looked a certain way for interviews, if when interviewing held my shoulders high and appeared more confident than anyone else I could do it. I could get the job, pay the debt off, provide surplus for my wife and be set on our merry way to England to do Globalscope. Well, I tried to get there by not stopping and asking for directions. My way has ended up bringing me nothing to show really but a car, which has some minor issues with it. So I guess that car really defines what I have become. Confident, with minor blemishes on the exterior and interior...but not the running as good as it could be. The exterior is excellent, as well as the interior. But the interior of the interior is where the real issue is at. Now, its only real issue is that it misses a little, but it still runs better than most cars I've driven. And I should be getting it fixed in a couple of days.
Staying on the car metaphor(wow, never thought the whole car thing would make a good lesson), imagine as you're traveling, your car is starting to break down. Your wife, and bear with me, a.k.a the Holy Spirit, keeps telling you to pull over at this gas station and that station to get the car checked out. But you insist that if you keep driving, if you drive the car with more confidence and self-determination that it will fix itself. That is where I was. I kept trying to drive my life my way and in the end I was driving a car with no engine. Hopefully, eventually you stop at a service station. You go in and tell the attendant behind the counter, we'll say this is God, what is wrong and ask for directions. He gives you a map and points you exactly where you need to go. As you wait for your car to be fixed, a mechanic, Jesus, walks in and says, "Things looked pretty rough, but it was no job I couldn't handle!" So you grab your map, thank everyone for their help and go off on your way to the right destination.
Now, these characters are meant for examples sake, so don't make this out to be more than it is. If Driver Derrik had listened to Wife Holy Spirit sooner and stopped at a service station, then Attendant God could have pointed Driver Derrik in the right direction and Mechanic Jesus would have fixed the car a lot sooner and made the whole ride much more enjoyable. I just needed to throw away my pride, stop and get things going in the right direction. Which is going about things on God's time, in his way and letting him navigate.
©Derrik Sanders, July 2010
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